Qualifications to be the leader of the free world for eight years seemed to include the ability to speak elegantly and/or intelligently about a host of issues and not actually delivering on any stated goals or promises. Now, presidential qualifications seem to grind down to: having a rich daddy, speaking in monosyllabic incomplete sentences, having bewildering hair, an ego the size of Alaska, the propensity towards hyperbole, and grabbing pussy with tiny 'famous' hands.

- Forest Kvasnikoff